Yep, you heard me. I want to go shopping.
I’ve been thinking about shopping a lot over the last few weeks and, even though I’ve never considered myself a “shopaholic” (actually, I despise that word) and I’ve never been a huge fan of walking around malls in general, I have had to stop myself from getting off at Yonge and Dundas and running into the Eaton Centre almost every day this week. Why the sudden urge to shop? I think there’s two reasons…
One: I weigh 27 lbs. less than I did in February 2012. While I’ve bought a couple pairs of $25 jeans from Old Navy, for each of the two pant sizes I’ve gone down, the majority of the shirts and sweaters I wear are still from the body I had 13 months ago. I took a good long look in the mirror a couple weeks ago and wondered why I felt so gross… it’s because nothing I wear fits! Everything is too big, too frumpy, and too worn out. I pretend not to care, because paying down my debt has been more important than making any unnecessary purchases, but I’m starting to think a few new shirts might not be so unnecessary.
Two: I registered for my first half marathon this coming August and I need some new running gear. Nothing crazy, since I’ll be back on the wet coast soon, but a couple pairs of capris/leggings and a couple reflective tops for early morning runs (in the rain) should do the trick. Again, half of the reason for wanting to make these purchases is the fact that I still workout in clothes that I wore 27 lbs. ago! If you think I felt good about myself at the gym at my old weight, imagine how good I feel wearing oversized shirts and pants that fall down when I run. Hot, right? Yea, not exactly.
So, what’s stopping me from shopping?
To be honest, I’m a little scared that once I start I won’t be able to stop. I haven’t shopped in months. Actually, since I’ve been in Toronto, I can count on one hand the number of things I have bought for myself. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been browsing online and bookmarking things I’d like to get eventually – and the folder is filling up fast. I want a new wallet, because mine’s been broken for years. There’s a couple cookbooks I’m dying to read. And don’t even get me started on the fact that sandal season is coming (I live in them from April to October).
Then there’s this whole half marathon training thing. I keep drooling over waterproof GPS watches. If not one of those, I think about buying an armband or something for my iPhone. I’d love to pick out a couple new sports bras and headbands. Basically, any store like Lululemon or Running Room looks like a place I’d love to drop some serious cash in. But I can’t afford anything I want right now, and it’s so freaking frustrating!
Why am I telling you all of this?
To show you that I’m human, I guess. Since June 2011, I have taken some pretty extreme measures to get out of debt. I’ve gone on total shopping bans, cash diets, and spent way too many evenings at home to avoid spending money. And, for the most part, I haven’t minded any of it, because getting out of debt has been my top priority. But I’m feeling anxious for it to all be over soon… I want some of my money back! I want to feel good in my “new” body. I want to be able to buy the few things that I want. And I don’t want to feel guilty, because I owe money to anyone…
I’m not asking for your permission to shop. I’m going to put aside a little cash for some new clothes. I guess I just needed to vent! So, thanks for letting me.
How do you resist the urge to shop? Help a girl out :)
Image Credit: Flickr – maury.mccown