Looking for the Girl I Was Six Months Ago

October 12, 2012

Wednesday’s post was one of the scariest I’ve ever published. I didn’t finish it until 1am EST. Then I dreamt about it and woke up at 6:50am to change a few words before it went live at 7am. What I was so afraid of, I’m not exactly sure. Judgment? Maybe. Questions? Sure. But, based on a number of comments, I know I didn’t say everything I wanted to say.

Nothing about that post was meant to seem like I was being hard on myself. I don’t feel angry or upset with myself in anyway. The idea of living a sober life is something that’s been in the back of my mind for a couple of years now and, based on a number of events that occurred this past summer, I know that it’s something that needs to become my reality.

While I was writing Wednesday’s post, I kept going back to posts I had written when I was fundraising for the Bold Academy. My writing was so inspired then; full of passion, dreams, and goals. I knew what I wanted, for both myself and girls and women everywhere. And all it took was one person, a few bad nights, and way too many drinks to make me lose my focus.

My last post was meant to show the domino effect of how one bad habit can turn into a number of bad habits. Nothing more and nothing less. But I can tell you that, by finally being honest with myself, I already feel like I’m beginning to reverse the domino effect. I know it’s not as easy as that… but it’s a start. And I’m ready to be reunited with the girl I was six months ago.

Have a great weekend, xo

  • Rob October 12, 2012 at 4:44 am

    “My last post was meant to show the domino effect of how one bad habit can turn into a number of bad habits.”

    And, in like fashion, one good habit (honesty with oneself) can turn into a number of good habits and the snowball effect begins to grow over time – whether it’s paying down one’s debts or living one’s life in the way that leads to sustainable success and happiness.

    • Cait October 16, 2012 at 3:15 pm

      I was going to add something re: saving, spending, etc. but wasn’t sure what to say. Thanks for adding that in, Rob!

  • Morgaine October 12, 2012 at 6:08 am

    I didn’t feel you were too hard on yourself in your last post. You admitted that you’ve made some mistakes recently, owned up to them, and now know that you’re ready to move on. I think it takes a lot of courage to do that and I wish you the best of luck in your journey back upwards :)

    • Cait October 16, 2012 at 3:15 pm

      Thanks, Morgaine! Appreciate your support.

  • Sean @ One Smart Dollar October 12, 2012 at 6:25 am

    There is no judgement out of most of us. Being able to admit when you have gone off path is a great thing. Being able to do it publicly so everyone else can hold you accountable in the future is even better.

    • Cait October 16, 2012 at 3:17 pm

      It’s great when others hold you accountable… but I published it to stay accountable to myself. I refuse to lie about anything on this blog. I was making excuses for a few months, for why I wasn’t posting weekly spending reports or monthly budgets. The truth was, I had extra purchases to hide. Nothing detrimental, but stuff (like too much partying) I was ashamed of. Thanks for your support, Sean!

  • Clare October 12, 2012 at 8:51 am

    Crazy proud of you.

    • Cait October 16, 2012 at 3:18 pm

      Right back at ya.

  • Frugal Portland (@frugalportland) October 12, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    you ARE the girl you were six months ago, but braver and stronger now too.

    • Cait October 16, 2012 at 3:18 pm

      You are the best. <3